Anyway, they appear to want my thoughts on certain subject, mainly three main entities that affected my life so much and were probably the cause for my mental illness. I haven't actually taken the time to think about them in a long time, except for the fact that if any of them were alive, I would take pleasure in hurting them... Professor Hojo, Jenova, and Sephiroth.
First off...Professor Hojo is my nightmares come true. When I dream, I see him leaning over me and I have the urge to fly off the handle and hurt anyone in range of me. I spent almost five years of my life under his knife, and I became his puppet more than anyone elses. To say that he ruined my life is an understatement, and I wish him much pain and agony wherever he finds himself now. I would take pleasure ripping him limb from limb and offering his blood to those that died. Let his screams run out into the night, his heart be removed still beating before burned and cast to the winds... I wish him only pain...only agony...only death.
Dear god, can't a man smash his fists into the barred window every once and while as stress relief. The pain is something that I look forward to now adays. It feels good to me, like a memory that I am still alive and kicking. My physical pain is almost...erotic in a sense. My own blood or the blood of others gives me the same feeling, but I suppose that is normal enough.
Anyway, Jenova the space bitch that lives in me even as I write. Though she is technically destroyed, she still lives in me...rather, she lives off of me like the parasite that she is. Yet, I can't help but feel neutrality for her since I don't think that she was a truely evil entity; rather, I think she was doing what she had to to survive. I didn't exactly have heart-warming conversations with her, but I got the feeling that she was very lonely. I don't know. I care little now that she is dead and gone. Fuck her and everything she is.
Then there is Sephiroth, the supposid puppetmaster to me. I don't believe a word those crack-whores say because I am well aware that he is just a puppet like me, perhaps more than me. He was controlled and play like the fool he let himself be, living in his own dream world I thought... he just happened to take me down with him. He drew me into this madness that clouds my thoughts, and he laughed at me when I strayed after him. He burned and butchered my town, nearly slaughtered two of my friends and myself, put me in that godforsaken lab for four years where the cracks appeared first then... he vowed crazed godhood, murdered Aerith, tossed me in mako twice, threatened the lives of my friends and allies, and tried to drop a big rock on the planet...
Sephiroth, you stupid motherfucking ass-pounding Jenova whore! If I ever get my hands on you again, I'm going to take you down a notch and put my foot so far up your ass, my kneecap with quench your thirst! Puppet or no, you are a moron, and it would be a pleasure to kick your ass again! I hope you read this from the Lifestream! You may have been a puppet, but you were the dumbest puppet I ever knew, dumber than even me! You shattered the lives of thousands of people then get the right to DIE. What about me?! Why do I have to souped up on drugs after I had to take you out, you bitch?! I hope you rot in the lowest pit of hell and scream for mercy for what you have done!
BITCHES!! The doctors are getting worried about me putting my hand through the window and metal guards. I can't help it... I'm in here and no one cares! No one! I hate them all! They abandoned me in this place, and left me to rot because of the crimes I have commited on the way to saving the planet! They don't care, those self-riteous SOBs! I wish them pain and death for what they have done! I gave it all up to save the planet! My life! My feelings! My freaking sanity! And they can leave me here!
I really think I need a hug right now... but I don't trust anyone in here to give me one. They are asking me to come down from the window so they can stop my hand from bleeding. I don't care about them. I don't care about anyone. I just want to be left alone in this black misery that is my life.
They are insisting I come down from the window... I could kill at least three of them before they get a tranquilizer into me. No, it's not worth it just yet. I will wait and bide my time until I am certain of the side-effects of this mako drug I'm on. It's already starting to effect me... increased aggression, subdued pain, random emotional surges... They are killing me with these drugs and lack of real human contact... I hate them...