I had a dream last night too. I don't usually dream about anything but Jenova taking me over... over and over and under and after she's finished I lie there and wonder... She usually crawls through me, curling in my mind and whispering to me, calling me, beckoning me, desiring me, grabbing me, hurting me... over and over and under and after she's finished I lie there and wonder... She is sleeping in me right now, but she has told me to run away and never return, to get away and hurt those that stop me from getting away from the pain, away from the needles, the doctors, the white WHITE WHITE WHITE WHITE where all I can think about is THEM and HER... over and over and under and after she's finished I lie there and wonder...
...why do I need her? Why do I stay here?
I have warrented an armed guard all the time now. Even when the doctors are busy with other patients, I still have this guy following me around. I know they would want to keep me alone and give me treatments, but I know that they know that I know how to get out, and I know that they know that if I get out, I'll hurt someone. They only keep me in solitary confinement for a certain number of days before they know when I'm going to break down the door... so they let me out to keep me happy and to limit my symptoms. But the guard following me around - thinking I'll kill Marle to get to God I'm sure - would be died before he could even pull that piss-ant gun on me. I've watched him... he leans to the left too much and fumbles for the gun under a stressful situation, meaning I could kill him without trying if I wanted to.
But, I want to see God.
Marle has something in the kitchen, bowl with...what looks to be jelly-like substance. It's a off green colour. He seems really proud of it and he keeps trying to convince me to punch it. He's ranting that God cannot be defeated even by the hero of the planet, that he controls everything from that there bowl... He's not a very interesting God, that's for sure. I don't think I've ever seen God jingle before, but He does when Marle shakes the bowl. I'm not sure who needs more medication... Marle for thinking the jelly-like substance is God, or me for going along with it. The guy is obvious crazy.
OH MY FUCKING GOD!!! Okay, it may not be God, but geez, this stuff is...indestructable! I want some!
I just punched the jelly stuff and the bowl shattered and flew around the room, but... the jelly. IT'S RIGHT THERE!!! It didn't blow apart of anything and...it tastes kind of nice actually. So this is what green tastes like... kind of like lime only with a sugar kick to it. I think I've found a new toy and stress relief!
...Marle just put it on my head... I'm not impressed in the least. "All the Jell-O I can wear, eh?" Don't know if I want to wear it, but... it looks really funny when you throw it in someone's face. Marle is pouting now and the guard is radioing the doctors.
WHAT?!! I'm not even doing anything wrong yet! He's fumbling for his gun now, since I can hear it. I'm not sure if I've warrented an attack yet considering Marle is throwing bits of this... Jell-O at me and laughing his head off. Crazy man...
Oh great, three doctors are here now...them and their clipboards, always writing, always planning, always... Okay, that feels really wrong sliding down my arm, yet really nice too. I wonder if you can kill someone with this stuff... I wonder if I can get some of this stuff; it is so funny and...Jenova doesn't mind it either.
There is no God, but there is a substance called Jell-O.