Do you ever get the feeling that you are being watched? Like...every single action, twitch of muscle, shift of hair, movement of eyes... is always noted, watching, scrutinized? Do you ever get the feeling that the moment you let your guard down, you'll get backstabbed? Maybe not stabbed... maybe burned, or have a rock dropped on you or injections or suffication in your pillow...
Do you ever look in the mirror and not know who is staring back at you? I do...when they give me a mirror that is. I haven't been able to look in my reflection for exactly three weeks, two days, four hours and fifty-two minutes... I wonder what I look like? I mean, I know my hair is long now since I can see it all around me, always messy, always spiky, always blonde. They say my eyes have gotten brighter, especially with the new medication... If I look in the mirror, will it be cracked...or is it just me?
I snuck out of bed last night, but the doctors don't know that. When I'm not locked away to be on my own, and I can sleep with other people, I always sneak out of bed because in sleep, my guard is down. I'm a failure SOLDIER, but I have all the training required, so I can sneak around in the dark so long as I close my eyes whenever someone wanders by. I've learned to pick the lock of my door... but the doctors don't know that either. I like to watch the stars, but I always think is see Meteor again falling from the sky.
Meteor fell, Meteor got stopped, I went crazy, Tifa admitted me here... I wonder if I've been forgotten? I wonder if I disappeared completely, that no one knows me, no one cares that they have locked me away and allowed me to rot in these white rooms that drive me up the wall because all I see is white and the white makes me think of silver and silver makes me think of *him* and he will come and get me in my sleep and finish me off like he did Aerith because I killed him. I am forgotten, alone, abandoned, cracked.
Everyone is laughing behind my back. I know it. They may try to hide it, but I have enhanced sight and hearing so I can still hear and see it even though they try to hide it away from me. I know. I'm going to stay in this place and get medication and my thoughts will run around in these endless circles because that's all I'm good for because I'm a mass failure that let the entire world down and everyone is laughing at me. Hahaha, laugh, laugh, laugh!
I can feel her again. She's swimming in my eyes, moving in my blood, taking hold of my body. Everyone says she is dormant, but I can still feel her, always grasping at my mind, trying to get control over me. I'm fighting her, just like I fought her when she had a full body. She keeps saying she's my mother and just wants the best for me, but my mother is dead...kind of like Jenova. Mmmm, coincidence? I think not.
Oh, the alarm sounded! Oh, I'm in trouble now! I've been caught out of bed, but I don't want to move from the window that I'm sitting in. The bars that keep me here are cold to my touch and they block my view of the stars. I just want to watch the stars! Why do they all have to come screaming down the hallway with their guns leveled at me, when all they have to do is ask me to come down? But I don't want to come down.
The funny looking doctor is talking to me. I don't really like him since he has a weird look in his eye, and he always has a needle to inject me with, kind of like Hojo... Maybe he IS Hojo! NO! I WON'T GO BACK TO THAT LAB!! You'll never take me alive....